Marriage is Not Hard

"My twenties got immensely better, after I got married, because troubles were shared with my best friend. No. not my best friend. A husband doesn't even come close to what a girl calls her best friend. There's a oneness and a blending together, a leaning on each other, a magic dance of puzzle pieces, that is completely unique to a husband and wife relationship. Friendship doesn't begin to describe that union. It is uniquely God given. And because of that, it brings a stability and a growth that helps in hard times.

Pursue a godly marriage, to make your twenty somethings easier. And your sixty somethings.

Way too many are now seeing marriage as a burden or an end to the fun years. They see their twenties as a time to "do great things for the Lord in their singleness." They see marriage and family as something that infringes on their ministry and their lives, rather than enhancing it. There's some kind of generational selfishness in this, disguised as godliness.

And they feel like they have to have all of their proverbial, ducks in a row, before they can pursue marriage. They look to have what most of us didn't have until we were in our forties, if then! They somehow miss the fact that there's a certain bonding together and reliance in one another, as you build life together.

...I just think that we need to encourage marriage, especially in our sons, to be seen as a great way to make their twenties better.

It ties in to an ongoing discussion that [my husband] and I have had lately. As we watch our daughter and her fiancé move toward their wedding date, and our son and his wife in their early married years, we would tell them this, as opposed to what we see the modern Christian culture saying now.

Marriage is not hard! It isn't something to be warned about and looked at as some kind of chore that you enter into expecting hardship and trouble and hard work. The marriage relationship isn't something introspective and selfish, it's something otherworldly and uniquely intrinsically fashioned by God, to bring a man and a woman together, and make that togetherness better than their singleness. It's the way it is.

Let's not blame our own failings in personal maturity and sinful behavior, on the marriage relationship. Marriage is not hard. Being a selfish sinner is hard. Marriage is not something that you have to worry about working on all the time and being introspective about. Our own personal heart before God, and giving up of ourselves for another in daily sacrifice, is what we need to work on.

When we shift back to the old time view of ourselves as sinners in need of mortifying sin and pursuing Christian disciplines and holiness before our savior, it changes our view of marriage. We serve our spouse and seek his/her best. We work to make life easier for one another, to relieve the burdens and encourage each other in faithfulness.

Christian marriage enhances our lives and brings a relief in shared burdens. It is a unique and wholly encompassing union of two believers into a relationship that is the closest earthly thing to our relationship with Christ.

It is not hard. It is not a chore to work at and see as an end to the carefree days. Instead, it is the beginning of your best years. The first strings of the symphony that signals the beginning of a glorious waltz between you, your spouse, and God. It is life. The hard things are simply our own sinful humanity showing through, that we would be dealing with in one way or another anyway.

This is something my friend Kathy Gruben wrote, and I am sharing it with her permission, as I just thought it was excellent.


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